On Braving the Waves

When I was younger, my life motto was "let go and let God." It allowed me to give up worry while still letting me feel like I was in control. The whole point was to just be faithful that things would always work out the way they were supposed to, which for a young girl with a lot of faith and no real problems was actually quite easy.

Although my life has been a rather gentle ride so far, as I get older I cross paths with plenty of things to cause me worry. The deaths of family and friends. Illness. Anxiety. Changes in my family dynamic. And over the years it has become harder and harder for me to let go.

Last winter I wrote about the weirdness of being in a liminal space of non-transition after a whole life of changes. I have always been able to focus on the next thing, and I didn't realize it at the time but it was extremely therapeutic. Little stresses add up over time but focusing on the bigger picture always provides some much-needed perspective. And yet it's always easier to look back once the wedding is planned and the boxes are packed and you're finally feeling settled. So this year has been one of worry. 

But something changed for me a few months back--the realization that I couldn't worry anymore. I was making myself sick and nothing was changing. So I started taking things one day at a time. I let go. And while I'm no longer much of a religious person, I find myself more and more often praying for things to work out not the way I want them to, but the way they're supposed to. It's easier said than done, of course, but like meditation or yoga, it's a practice that I have applied thoughtfully to my life. Things will change one day. But probably not today. So take a deep breath and banish your misgivings for as long as you can.

Stand up in the presence of whatever's in front of you. Feel it. Let it wash over you if you must. And then just let it go.