When I was younger, my life motto was "let go and let God." It allowed me to give up worry while still letting me feel like I was in control. The whole point was to just be faithful that things would always work out the way they were supposed to, which for a young girl with a lot of faith and no real problems was actually quite easy.

Although my life has been a rather gentle ride so far, as I get older I cross paths with plenty of things to cause me worry. The deaths of family and friends. Illness. Anxiety. Changes in my family dynamic. And over the years it has become harder and harder for me to let go.

Last winter I wrote about the weirdness of being in a liminal space of non-transition after a whole life of changes. I have always been able to focus on the next thing, and I didn't realize it at the time but it was extremely therapeutic. Little stresses add up over time but focusing on the bigger picture always provides some much-needed perspective. And yet it's always easier to look back once the wedding is planned and the boxes are packed and you're finally feeling settled. So this year has been one of worry. 

But something changed for me a few months back--the realization that I couldn't worry anymore. I was making myself sick and nothing was changing. So I started taking things one day at a time. I let go. And while I'm no longer much of a religious person, I find myself more and more often praying for things to work out not the way I want them to, but the way they're supposed to. It's easier said than done, of course, but like meditation or yoga, it's a practice that I have applied thoughtfully to my life. Things will change one day. But probably not today. So take a deep breath and banish your misgivings for as long as you can.

Stand up in the presence of whatever's in front of you. Feel it. Let it wash over you if you must. And then just let it go.

It is absolutely bizarre to me that it has been two years since I quit my 9-5 to pursue blogging as a career. I thought it might be fun if I shared a few things I've learned these past twenty-four months, because like most things in life, I think they apply to more than just one kind of person:

Goal setting is powerful. Last year I sat down at the beginning of every month and made a list of ten goals--it was amazing. Just make sure they're SMART: specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound.

You don't have to be working all the time. Give yourself some time to take a breather. This has been my biggest struggle--I always feel like I need to prove myself in some way, which means that I'm often working even when I'm not really working, which is such an annoying thing to say (and do). Everyone's schedules are different, though, and just because a person takes time to really relax one day doesn't mean they don't work hard the other days.

You can do so much more with a little help from others. Just ask. I don't even want to talk about how many things I've probably missed out on because I was afraid to hear "no." 

Your life--your family, relationships, health, and happiness--matter so much more than anything else. When I finished grad school I was in a panic to find a job, and when I got one that I liked, I felt so incredibly lucky. After a while that job didn't feel like such a great fit anymore, and when Rob got the Minneapolis offer I spent so much time worrying about what would happen if I left this company, even though I didn't really love it. 

I wanted so badly for everything to work out in a way that just wasn't possible--in my head, Rob and I could live in Minnesota and I would somehow keep my job (even though they weren't willing to let me work remotely). I felt like I was letting the company down by leaving after just a year, but looking back now I realize that no one was judging me for anything, and that you should never feel bad about living according to your priorities. Blogging for work has given me a lot of freedom in my personal life, and sometimes that makes me feel guilty. It's something I'm still working on.

Just go for it. I think the best things in life tend to be really scary at first. Stretch your comfort zone. Learn to use that camera, pitch that idea at work, go out of your way to make something good happen for yourself.

The other day someone was talking to me about applying for a job they weren't sure they'd get, which was causing them to spend too much time stressing over their resume and it just reminded me that we all have to start somewhere. The majority of what I've learned these past two years happened after I decided to go for it, not before. Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith and then work your butt off. Don't be afraid to start small--big things can come from anywhere.

And finally, your life doesn't have to look like anyone else's. Simple, but true.

Photo by Sarah Gatrell for Freckled Italian.

I drop Rob off at his office on my way to the barre studio most mornings, and nothing was different about Tuesday until I had to slow down suddenly and the car behind us came barreling through, crashing into us and throwing our car forward violently before stopping in its tracks. 

As it was happening I felt suddenly and completely alone, trying to comprehend what was going on and wondering where the sharp pain in my arm was coming from. I didn't know what to do; what had taken place. And then his hand reached for me and I heard his voice snatch me out of the blackness. "Are you okay? Pull over here. Turn on the hazard lights. Stay right there, I'll be back."

And then an hour or two of firefighters stopping by and EMTs asking if we needed to see a doctor, police questions and notes taken down hastily and a wrecker picking up the car that had hit us, which was no longer drive-able. Our bumper hung loose from a corner of the back of our own car and the man driving the truck ripped it off and helped us get it in the trunk and we were able to drive it away.

So there we were, together; my hand in his and the receptionist at urgent care leaning forward from her desk to ask us for our insurance information--"Mr. and Mrs. Peterson?" 

It's really rare that we're referred to as Mr. and Mrs. Anything--and really not since our wedding. This was certainly the first time it was uttered under any sort of emergency--not an oh my gosh congratulations, Mrs. Peterson situation but instead the doctor will see you now, Mrs. Peterson.

And I remember thinking right then and there that I wanted to hold on to these memories: of my headache in the waiting area, the way the walls spun around me as we sat in an exam room while the doctor made her rounds through an understaffed facility, of his aching body lying next to my aching body while I fell asleep earlier that afternoon, bruised and sore but safe in his arms. 

Because we said "for better or for worse" when we stood in front of our family and friends that sunny evening in May, promising our lives to one another and vowing to be there until the end. And that wasn't the end--not even close--but life can throw some crazy things at you and even when you walk away mostly unharmed, there is all sorts of magic and strength in having someone you love to lean on throughout it all. 

“Wherever you go, I will go. Wherever you live, I will live. Your people shall be my people. Wherever you die, I will die and be buried beside you. We shall be together forever and our love will be the gift of our lives.”

— The Book of Ruth (1:16)