I have never been heavier or more swollen or generally larger than I am right now, and most of the time I don't even care. Last weekend your dad and I went to the mall because I needed new tennis shoes, and the pair I bought were two sizes bigger than my other shoes. (We went to Pressed Juicery afterwards for a non-dairy, Paleo frozen yogurt made out of vegetables, but I don't think it made much of a difference.)
We're about eight weeks away from meeting you and things are getting real. We moved into a bigger house across the bay from our old place so we could have a yard for Ender, who is a little crazy but sweet and silly and I think you guys are going to be great friends. You also get your own room, which is bright yellow and full of books. We finished putting your crib together two nights ago and every time I walk by it reminds me a little more that you'll actually be here with us soon, no longer surprising us with your big kicks and rolling movements from within.
We still call you "Baby" and I think I might know what your name is, but we're still waiting to see you. I'm so curious to learn if you have hair already, and if it's going to be black like mine was or bright blonde like your dad's. What color will your eyes be? None of it matters, of course, we're just excited to know you and hold you and do our best to raise you.
With just two months to go I feel simultaneously rushed and impatient--like it's not enough time to do all the things we need to do before you get here, but it's too long to start panicking about installing the car seat correctly. I have a few work things to get done before I can start thinking about packing a hospital bag or preparing meals for us to have in the freezer when we come home with you.
The world lately has seemed like a strange, dark place at times; but then I feel your little feet in my ribcage and think about your strength already and I can't help but feel hopeful of the future.
I know I said I'd keep the hash browns coming, but thankfully I'm not nauseated anymore. Now I just have crazy heartburn, so I hope you're enjoying all the Tums (and the hot fudge sundaes...which are probably giving me heartburn).
Love you so much already,
Photo by Virginia Ashley Photography.