There's a place that exists between fear and assurance, and I tend to dwell there. I want to be confident and enthusiastic about life and all of its possibilities, and most of the time I am. But sometimes I feel overwhelmed.

I panic about being far from my family and our friends. I miss my mom and my dad and my brother; and I am starting to yearn for warmer weather and a neighborhood full of friends. I want to be adventurous and free-spirited and easygoing, but often I am cautious and moody. We're nearing the time in Rob's career where talks about a new project are taking place. We might stay in Minneapolis, we might not. We might go back to Virginia, but we might not do that either. I would rather be the version of myself that asks, What's next? Let's do it!  instead of the one who demands, What's next? I need to know now.

The more controlling side of myself has given way to the braver me plenty of times these past seven months. There have been countless opportunities for growth, and I am so grateful for them. But there's still a side of me that can make herself sick with worry. There's always a chance to let go a little more, and I try to do it every day.

This post is in response to the following prompt: "Often we are pulled between two places...Tell us about them. Give us the pull, the conflict, the desire." (From Old Friend from Far Away, page 204.) You can visit this post for next week's prompt.

Image credit: V.A. Photography

I try really hard to always be reading a book. Sometimes I'm reading more than one, but that often doesn't end well. I tried to read

The Hobbit

 and re-read

Jane Eyre

over Christmas and as a result, they both lie half-finished and untouched for some time on my bedside table. They are beautiful books, but they didn't stick with me enough to go on. But there are books (and characters) that have stayed with me throughout the years.

Sophie

taught me that there's more to the world than I can ever see or know.

Atonement

is sad and beautiful and overflowing with richness and showed me just how much power there is in literature.

Clarissa

 taught me about perseverance and complexity.

Where the Wild Things Are

 taught me the impact a picture book could have and ignited my passion for children's literature.

What books spoke to you in a way you didn't expect?

This post is in response to the following prompt: "

Tell about periods when you haven't read. What were you doing? Where and when do you read best?

" (From 

Old Friend from Far Away

, page 160.) As you can see, you can take a prompt and go any direction with it. If you've written a response of your own, please share it below in the comments! 

P.S. Visit 

this post

 for next week's prompt.

P.P.S. If you'd like to join The Eighty Twenty's book club, you can learn more

here

.

I poured iced coffee into a jar yesterday afternoon and thought about Virginia.

It was 40 degrees and sunny outside, and my apartment was clean and I had fresh tulips sitting on the table, still waiting to fully bloom. I love living in Minneapolis, I really do. There's something about the city and the people and the food that makes me feel extremely understood.

But I don't have anyone to run with here, no one to drop by for tea on a random afternoon. These past six and a half months with Rob have truly felt like a blessing--like a chance to make up for the time we might have lost over the year that we were so far from one another--but there are days where I think we both would love to just have one or two of our best friends around for drinks or a laid-back weekend brunch.

I know that at some point, I will have to stop fantasizing about the time I spent as a student, because there is never going to be another time where all of my friends can drop what they're doing to just hang out. Shawna and I won't always just have an hour or two in the middle of the afternoon to meet for coffee, or decide to drink a pitcher of mimosas on a porch, or go on a quick run down our favorite trail in Charlottesville. There isn't a realistic new version of the story where Tina and her sister and I go to lunch and then spend the rest of the afternoon all cuddled up together in my bed, watching some episode of Grey's Anatomy.

But these are my favorite memories--the ones where I meet my mom for lunch every day and hang out with my dad on the lake every weekend; where almost all of the people I love are just an arm's reach away. I carry them with me everywhere I go, to every place I'll ever call home. And maybe one day, I can return to that world for good and put them down on a mantle somewhere, where they will be safe and I can start to make new ones.

Minneapolis might understand me, but Virginia knows me.

This post is in response to the following prompt: "What's been on your mind? What have you carried and gnawed over?" (From Old Friend from Far Away, page 154.) If you've written a response of your own, please share it below in the comments! 

P.S. Visit this post for next week's prompt.