I went on a run yesterday; the kind where it's muggy and hot outside and you think about huge things while you lose your breath and sweat quickly covers your body. I told myself to run twenty minutes, and I started fast, and then thirty minutes passed, and I told myself to run some more.

It was hot and the sky looked like thunder and my legs felt like bricks and I just kept going. I didn't start out with grand thoughts about life, because I started out with basic thoughts about running, but the former evolved from the latter because that tends to be the way it works when you're running.

I started going to CrossFit last summer and I continued for about two months. During that time, I stopped running because most of the time I was too sore to run, and when I wasn't too sore to run I felt too strong to need to run. It was fine, and then I stopped going to CrossFit, but I kind of had already stopped running, so for a while I was just sort of lazy. When I finally started again, I never pushed myself to the caliber that I used to in my cross-country days, and certainly not to failure like I often did in CrossFit.

I got so comfortable that I forgot what the edges of my comfort zone felt like. But I like being in that space. I need it.

Here's to finding that line, and then walking on it.

It's been quite a strange week, and that's all I'll say about that, as vague as it may be. I try to be intentional about realizing just how lucky I am--how good my life already is--but there are times when it's hard. This year has had its fair share of hurdles already, and I just hope that I'll soon start hitting my stride. Until then, I'll be getting as much fresh air as possible and reading deep into the infinite wisdom of dear E.E. Cummings.

[Tulips in Charlottesville, March 2012]

Spring is like a perhaps hand

E.E. Cummings

Spring is like a perhaps hand

(which comes carefully

out of Nowhere) arranging

a window, into which people look (while

people stare

arranging and changing placing

carefully there a strange

thing and a known thing here) and

changing everything carefully

spring is like a perhaps

Hand in a window

(carefully to

and fro moving New and 

Old things, while 

people stare carefully

moving a perhaps

fraction of flower here placing

an inch of air there) and

without breaking anything.

--

Tonight I'm having dinner with some wonderful girlfriends of mine, and tomorrow I'm off to DC for the day to shower Melissa with love as she fast approaches her upcoming wedding! And in just one week, I'll be in Minneapolis hanging out with Rob. The bright side, people. We've got to stay on it.

My sweet friend Emily got married this weekend in Richmond, and I felt overwhelmed with gratitude that she invited me and Rob to be there to see it. Emily and I were both English majors at Longwood, and didn't really get to know one another until after I graduated and she was a senior. We had already been Facebook friends, but really only connected later through blogging. We started meeting for coffee whenever I was in town, and we'd talk and laugh and get teary-eyed as the hours passed and our lattes got cold and we got really serious about life and marriage and God and Harry Potter and politics.

And then one morning, I was in Farmville for the weekend, getting up early to see her present her senior seminar paper on The Bell Jar, and as she spoke with passion and excitement and answered questions about her topic in front of the room, I realized that she and I were actually real friends, and again I felt overwhelmed. How sweet it is to find yourself in such a random, special friendship.

I started this weekend early, on Friday morning, and I drove to Longwood to visit my brother and talk to a handful of my favorite professors from undergrad. I didn't realize it until I was driving away from campus just how perfect it was for me to stop by Longwood on my way to Richmond to see Emily. Farmville, Virginia is where so many good things begin--my education, my relationship with Rob, my friendship with Emily, and her relationship with her now husband, Robbie (another Economics-studying Robert, just by the way).

Emily and Robbie got married on Saturday and I don't know if I've ever seen any two people happier.

How sweet it is to see true love like that.

I dropped my Rob off at the airport on Sunday afternoon and drove home through the rain. It was warm and grey outside, and when the rain stopped the sun came out, and I rolled down the windows of my car. I've been having a really rough time lately. I've been sad and overwhelmed and negative a lot of the time. But seeing Emily this weekend reminded me that I can be positively intentional about a lot of my life. So as I drove, in the middle of my musings about spring; and my fond memories of college; and the thought of our bright, prosperous futures with the people we love the most; I took a deep breath from the cool, wet air outside and smiled.

How sweet it is.