For probably 2 meals out of every 5, I serve some version of rice with a protein and veggie—and as much as I love a good rice bowl, sometimes it’s time to mix it up. (Although my all-time favorite lunch is leftover white rice with chopped or sliced cucumber and carrot on top, plus an egg or some leftover chicken.) I have been seeing lots of low-carb burger bowls online, and I used to be a big fan of what is basically a big salad with a bun-less burger on top, but lately that has not sounded good to me at all. Turns out it was missing one major ingredient: French fries.

Now, if you want to keep this lower carb, by all means feel free to skip the fries and add more lettuce or other veggies, but for me right now, some shredded lettuce and a generous handful of crispy fries is really working as a base for these burger bowls. If you’re feeling extra, you can make the fries from scratch but I have found that frozen ones thrown into the air fryer are just as delicious and a hell of a lot easier. I also decided to keep the beef ground instead of forming burger patties, and it made the entire thing much more satisfying to eat. The sauce I made is a little more In-N-Out than McDonald’s, but if you are specifically into that Big Mac sauce, there are plenty of recipes for it out there (my husband isn’t a big mustard fan, which seems to be a main ingredient). And one final customization: if you wanted to make these vegetarian-friendly, just swap out the beef for your preferred meatless protein source.

Ingredients:

• 1 pound of ground beef

• 1 tablespoon olive oil

• A frozen bag of French fries (unless you want to make them yourself!)

• 1-2 heads of romaine or iceberg lettuce

• Optional toppings: chopped tomatoes, shredded cheese, onions, pickles, diced onion

  For the sauce:

• 3 tablespoons of mayo

• About 1 tablespoon of ketchup

• 1-2 teaspoons of relish (or you can chop up whatever pickles you like if you don’t have relish)

• 1 teaspoon white vinegar

• 1 teaspoon sugar

• Salt and pepper, to taste

Instructions:

1. Heat olive oil in a large pan over medium-high heat. Add the ground beef and mince so it is as fine or as chunky as you prefer (sometimes I like to use a spatula to press it down in a thin layer so it’s kind of like a smash burger). Season generously with salt and pepper. Cook for 7-8 minutes, or until fully browned.

2. While beef is cooking, prepare French fries according to package instructions. They are great in the oven but if you have an air fryer I always recommend using that.

3. Mix sauce ingredients together and stir well to combine. You can make this ahead of time to give it extra time for all the flavors to come together, just store it covered in the fridge until ready to use.

4. To assemble bowls, add a handful of lettuce and a generous portion of fries. Top with beef and cheese, as well as any other toppings you are including. Finish by drizzling the sauce overtop and serve right away.

Dear Baby,

Here we are, well over halfway to meeting you, and I’m realizing I haven’t done so many of the things I did when I was pregnant with your sister (these letters, for example). I know that every pregnancy is different just like every baby and child is different, but boy is that the case with the two of you.

Having a toddler and living in a pandemic while pregnant is certainly a different experience, but knowing you’re always with me, safely tucked away until you’re ready has definitely been a comfort. You are a beacon of hope, a promise of even more wonderful things to come, a reason to push through and persevere for better days ahead.

Your dad felt you kick for the first time on New Year’s Day, shortly after midnight as we lay in bed together after trying so hard to stay awake to see a new year. We gladly bid farewell to the mess that was 2020 but also felt so grateful for all the things that it brought us: a new home in a city we have missed for years, your sister growing up so happy and healthy, and you.

Sometimes I wake up in the morning to your kicks and feel like I already know you so well, and then there are other times when you are such a mystery. What will you look like? What funny things will you do as you grow? What will your name even be? I have a list in my phone but we haven’t even come close to settling on one yet.

We can’t wait to meet you, our little spring baby. The weather is getting warmer and next weekend the clocks will change and it will be lighter so much later and I can’t help but daydream about warm evenings on the back patio with you in my arms, watching your dad and your sister run around in the yard, Ender sprawled across the soft grass.

How wonderful life is when you’re in the world.

xoxo Mama

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always had at least one or two small bald spots on my head. They would show up randomly and eventually grow back in, sometimes within a couple of months and sometimes after a year or even two. My hair has always been thick and long and no one ever noticed--a lot of the time I didn’t even notice. I’d part my hair a different way or clip it up in sections to blow dry it and see a patch with peach fuzz growing in and realize for the first time that I must have been losing some hair.

Then 2020 came, and in March when COVID hit, I felt unusually high levels of stress. I’ve always been an anxious person who would often worry about the future and struggle with uncertainty, but pulling our daughter out of school and quitting the part-time job that I loved and trying to suddenly adjust to a world outside of our house that felt very dangerous threw me for a loop, and then because my husband was able to work from home and our life actually wasn’t affected as much as many others, I started to feel guilty about my anxiety as well. Life wasn’t that hard, what right did I have to be stressed out? Cue more stress and the cycle would just continue from there.

What used to be a few strands here and there turned into handfuls of hair that would fall out every time I washed or brushed or put my hair up. And then in June or July I noticed a new bald spot, on the left side of my head by my ear. It was a different shape than they usually are, but I didn’t think too much of it. I figured with the stress I was feeling, a new bald spot or two was inevitable. We started planning a move and then I had a miscarriage, and for a few weeks my life started to feel out of control.

And sure enough, instead of slowly growing in, over the weeks the spot grew larger; and then another one similar to it popped up on the other side of my head. I remember looking in the mirror in August or September and telling Rob “I think I’m going to lose all my hair this time, it just seems really different.” By the time we got to Charlotte in early October I noticed a third spot, right at my part in the center of my head. And from there they just grew, until the entire left side of my hair was missing, and the right side was right behind it. My hairline was changing and it was getting harder and harder to cover up.

In October I decided to get a wig, because I wasn’t sure how long it would take me to find something and I knew that if it got worse I was going to need something to get me through it. It was overwhelming to try to find something online so I looked up a local wig salon and went in to try some things on in person—if you’re going through something similar, I can’t recommend this route more. It was so validating to talk to someone who was familiar with both wigs and hair loss, and being able to try on wigs and learn how to style and care for them was great. The owner of the salon even cut my “signature” bangs so it felt even more natural, and I couldn’t be happier with how it looks.

Even with a fabulous wig and as much perspective as I can muster, this entire thing has been more heartbreaking than I would like to admit. It’s a huge adjustment, and I am still really upset about it even months later. I have since lost almost 100% of the hair on my head, which was my fear from the beginning. In some ways it’s nice to know that it really can’t get much worse from here, but I also can’t help but obsess over whether or not this is my new normal forever.

I thought I’d gather my often very random thoughts about hair loss and wearing a wig bullet-style below to try to share some of the things I’ve been feeling and thinking about lately:

Things I miss:

• Throwing my hair up into a top knot. I love wearing my hair like that and it used to be my go-to quick style for working out or hanging around the house. 

• Having thick eyebrows—mine are starting to fall out and it has been even more upsetting than losing the hair on my head.

• Wearing hats with my hair down and the ends curled.

• Just generally feeling “normal” and recognizing myself in the mirror every day.

Things I like:

• Hardly ever having to wash or style my hair. I will give the wig a few touch up curls or waves here and there but otherwise the amount of time I spend on my hair is virtually nothing.

• When I do wear my wig, my hair looks absolutely amazing--like I just walked out of a salon.

• I just got a second wig that is so different from what my natural hair (and first wig) look like—it’s shorter and blonde and it is so fun to wear and feel like a completely different person. I also don’t think blonde will ever be this low maintenance again (I have only experimented with lightening my hair a few times in the past and it was always very expensive and time-consuming to keep up with).

Things I’m getting used to:

• Figuring out when to wear my wig at home--sometimes wearing a headband or hat is fine but other times I get really bummed out seeing myself in the mirror. On the days I decide to wear my wig around the house I usually feel a lot better about myself but then my head ends up really itchy around 6 or 7PM.

• Seeing photos of my old hair and brows. I really liked it.

• The sense of identity that is tied so deeply to hair—as fun as it is to put on a different look, sometimes I wonder what it all “means.” I have this really weird anxiety about Sophie thinking it’s unusual. Even when I was having a bad hair day before wigs, it was still at least very “me.”

• Constantly wondering if I’m going to lose my eyelashes or if the hair on my head will ever grow back. I could try to modify my diet and lower inflammation and/or explore medical options but being pregnant makes all of that a lot more tricky. And then there’s the question of if the pregnancy itself might be contributing to this extreme hairloss—it’s so hard to know. I have a dermatologist appointment in April and other than that I’m trying to give myself a break on days when I cry about it. Sometimes it feels stupid to be so upset about something that is mainly just cosmetic, but whether I like it or not, it’s been heartbreaking. This may not be forever, but if it is, I’ll figure that out too.

I’m sharing this experience because every time I learn that someone else is going or has gone through something similar, it makes such a huge difference in my mood. When you are losing your hair it can feel bizarre and isolating and just emotionally brutal. I want to normalize this for everyone, but more than anything I hope you feel less alone if you are someone who is dealing with a similar situation.

As always, I’m a pretty open book, so feel free to leave a question or comment below or send me an email anytime. Thanks for reading.