No matter how homesick I may get for the east coast from time to time, there’s absolutely nothing I love more than walking into my backyard on a sunny afternoon and picking a bunch of lemons from our tree. I usually slice them up to pop into ice water or hot tea or the occasional Diet Coke, but I’ve always wanted to try out an actual lemon “recipe” with our abundance of citrus.

Last year I made some super salty preserved lemons, but this time I thought it’d be fun to try my hand at a big fresh lemon tart to celebrate that spring is only a week away. I originally wanted to make this a low-carb or at least Paleo dessert, but I ended up using regular sugar for the lemon curd because it’s what I had and honestly, it’s what I wanted. If you use low-carb sugar alternatives, I’m sure you could substitute the sugar for something else, but I did make the crust grain-free, sugar-free, and with only a few ingredients!

Grain-Free, No-Bake Lemon Tart

Ingredients:

For the crust:

• 3 cups of nuts (I used almonds and a bit of pecans)

• 1 cup of melted coconut oil

• A pinch of salt

• 1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract

For the filling (from Ina Garten’s lemon curd recipe):

• 3 large lemons

• 1 1/2 cups of sugar

• 4 eggs

• 4 ounces of butter, room temperature

Instructions:

1. To make the crust, pulse nuts in a food processor until finely crushed (stop before you turn it into nut butter—you want it to be the texture of rough sand). Transfer from food processor into a bowl.

2. Pour melted coconut oil over nut mixture and stir well to incorporate. Add salt and vanilla and mix together. Transfer to a pie dish and press gently with your fingers to create a crust. Refrigerate until ready to use.

3. Use a vegetable peeler to remove the zest of the lemons. Transfer zest to food processor and pulse together with sugar until well combined. Cream butter in a separate bowl and add the sugar and lemon mixture to it. Mix well to combine and add eggs one at a time as you continue to stir. Slowly add lemon juice and mix until smooth.

4. Transfer everything to a pot on the stove and cook over medium-low heat until curd begins to thicken—about 10-15 minutes. Remove from heat and allow to cool completely (you can make the curd a day or two ahead of time if you want).

5. Pour the filling into the pie and transfer to freezer. Remove from freezer 10-15 minutes before serving.

Happy belated pi day and early spring wishes! Is there anything more cheerful than a bright yellow lemon pie?

This weekend Rob and I spent a lot of time in our garage, getting rid of things and finally unpacking a few boxes that have been camped out since we moved into this house last summer. I found lots—and I really mean a lot—of journals, diaries, even old blog posts printed and bound in a most embarrassing fashion. There were drafts of personal essays, marked up by classmates and edited, rewritten, then marked up again. Stories about ex-boyfriends and a capella auditions that probably never should have taken place—college memories I was so certain would end up in a literary journal one day.

I have spent most of my life writing down every little thing. In elementary school I wrote stories, in middle and high school I kept journals, and then I discovered blogging in college and knew that theoretically anyone and everyone could read what I wrote but I never really thought anyone other than my roommates and mother would go out of their way to read my reflections on Greek Life, the weird regulars that frequented the coffee shop where I worked over the summer, discussions that took place in my Literary Criticism class, and/or how many miles I ran on any particular weekend.

But they did, and I loved it. I loved sharing my life online, loved hearing from people who enjoyed a particular essay I wrote or maybe had experienced something similar. You couldn’t pay me to read one of my essays in front of a crowd but every time I hit “publish” I felt a rush of excitement and a feeling of productivity—my story was out there.

I graduated and started working and continued to write and Rob and I found ourselves in a long-distance relationship, which lots of people have done, and again I felt seen and heard by readers who were going through or had gone through the same thing. It was less fun when my mom got cancer, or when my parents split up, but still those connections found their way through and made the burden feel a little easier to carry.

We moved and moved and moved again, and Freckled Italian remained. I started working with sponsors and realized that maybe I didn’t need to find a new “permanent” job in every city. I freelanced and temped and blogged and did my best to explore and enjoy every place we called home. I woke up on Sunday mornings and pulled my laptop into bed, coffee on the nightstand, and I wrote.

So yesterday morning, when I woke up earlier than usual to a house still sleeping, I tiptoed downstairs and brought my computer from my desk to my bedside, excited to write whatever came to mind. I snuggled back under the covers, put on my glasses, opened the laptop, and…nothing.

Just a blank screen and a blinking cursor.

And so that’s where I am now—working more and writing less, wondering where to go from here. Savoring every single little and big moment spent with my family, walking the dog and cooking and organizing random corners of the house but hardly ever folding the laundry within a reasonable timeframe—and doing my best to explore and enjoy California while we call it home.

For so long my dream was this blog—creating content and working with sponsors and growing my audience—but then Sophie came along and my priorities shifted slightly. I still love this space, and I love sharing parts of my life here, but sometimes I don’t know where to start—or how far to go. As my daughter gets older and develops more of a personality I find myself wanting to keep her more private. Pregnancy and labor and breastfeeding were very much my experiences, but after a certain point I feel like motherhood becomes less about me and more about her. My experience and her experience are deeply intertwined, but they’re still two different things, and I hope to always respect that.

What a long post I just wrote to tell you basically that I feel like I have nothing to write about—I guess that’s not true after all. Sometimes you just have to start and see where it takes you. I’d like to get back to more of that—I’m here for the rambling, somewhat cringeworthy and oh-so-journal-y posts of 2009 again.

PS I have a “newsletter” now where I sit down to write something every now and then that doesn’t go on the blog. I thought it’d be quarterly but so far it ‘s been every month, so I’m thinking I might send out a new one sometime soon. (But you know, no promises.) You can subscribe here if that sounds fun to you.

PPS Is it possible to have chapped lips for weeks and weeks? Because I have had chapped lips for weeks and weeks. Blog post forthcoming. (Just kidding.)

My mom was in town for a few days so I’ve been a little under the radar as far as blogging and social media goes, but it’s made me want to share what I’ve been up to in real life lately:

• Listening to Hamilton for the first time in a while—we went to see it in San Francisco last night and it was just so amazing. This was my second time seeing it and I always love how every cast puts their own little details into a performance to make it their own.

• Getting ready for my first solo trip since Sophie was born! I’m headed to Florida for a bachelorette party next weekend and I’m excited about a little beach vacation but feeling kind of overwhelmed about being away for the first time.

• Living in this tank top from Tommy John (sponsored). They sent me a couple pieces and I am loving them!

• Working more than I have in a while—I’ve been doing some sales and social media things for a couple different Pure Barre studios, which has been really fun. We finally found a nanny that we love so she watches Sophie a couple mornings a week while I try to get through some work things. I’m actually planning to teach less in the future so I’m happy to still be involved in some other ways—it was such a big part of my life for so long!

• Thinking about Alt Summit—I didn’t go last year and am very excited to get back to Palm Springs and meet some people and hopefully learn a few things while I’m there! I always used to leave Alt feeling so encouraged and ready to write/blog/etc. and after over a year of trying to balance blogging/freelance work/stay-at-home-momming I think I could really use some inspiration.

That’s all from me! Today I’m catching up on a few things after my mom’s visit, hopefully getting Ender out for a long walk before an afternoon of rain, and teaching one Pure Barre class in the evening. What have you been up to lately?