Last week, Rob and I made a quick little one-night getaway to Charleston. I hadn't been in years, but always remember loving it, so it was really nice to just escape in the middle of the week (Rob is starting a new job today so he took all of last week off and then I kind of did, too). He had a meeting on Wednesday afternoon so we planned around that, and we were on our way back home 24 hours after we had arrived, but I think we fit plenty of good food and dreamy walks down King Street in.

Here's a list of all the places we went while we were in town--most of them came from recommendations on my friend Annie's blog, Annie Reeves:

• House rosé and oysters for lunch at 167 Raw. Seriously delicious. Also if you're ever there please get the chips and guacamole--it was amazing. We also ordered ceviche and it was perfect.
• We stayed at The Restoration and did happy hour at The Watch, their rooftop bar. The hushpuppies with pimento cheese and pepper jelly were our favorite. 
• Walked down King Street and stopped for dinner at The Darling Oyster Bar which was, you guessed it, darling. More oysters and some truly fantastic cocktails. We got more hushpuppies and they weren't my favorite but the king crab parfait was glorious.
• I was on a roll after dinner and had to stop for ice cream at Jeni's, which I didn't realize was a chain because it felt so quirky and independent inside. I got a scoop of wild berry lavender and one of honey pistachio and they're both my new favorite.
• Ate breakfast in bed at the hotel before heading out for coffee at Black Tap--Rob got a regular cold brew and I ordered their coffee cocktail which was cold brew, mint, and honey shaken in a cocktail shaker. Definitely worth a try.
• Lunch before heading home was at Blossom, and the food was great but I probably wouldn't go back. It had kind of a stuffy vibe and everything was really expensive (I ate a $20 salad). But the menu looked good and Rob was jonesing for a lobster roll.

I always miss Ender so much when we're gone, but it was really awesome to get away for just one night, especially since Charleston is only three hours from Charlotte. I'm already planning a few more short trips for the summer! Where do you want to go next?

Last night Rob and I were supposed to go to a show--my favorite band was playing with one of his favorite bands and we bought the tickets months ago. I've always had trouble in crowded places, and music venues in particular get my anxiety raging; but for the most part I can stand near the back, close to a door, and more or less enjoy the show. This particular show was outdoors and I thought for sure that the open space would provide a perfect situation for me to listen to music without obsessively trying to locate the emergency exits.

But then the biggest mass shooting in United States history took place last Sunday; and as the date of the concert approached, I could feel with more and more certainty that I wasn't going to be able to walk into that amphitheater and take my seat. I'm a little embarrassed to be using the tragedy in Orlando as an excuse, because as a white, straight, female I can't even begin to imagine the discrimination and fear that the LGBT community faces every single day. I am privileged and I know it, and my safety has never been threatened for the sake of who I am. But as gun violence becomes more and more of a problem in our nation I can't help but feel that eventually we might all end up being one of the unlucky people who find themselves in the wrong place at the wrong time. That used to be a dark and deeply illogical sentiment, but is it still? Or is it starting to become rational? This is where my anxiety usually gets the best of me--in the space between logic and unreasonableness, and soon enough I can no longer tell what's what.

When I was a teenager I cancelled a trip to Costa Rica the day before I was supposed to leave, because I couldn't stop imagining the plane going down. It must have been my first panic attack--I couldn't breathe, couldn't speak, couldn't even begin to explain the thoughts going through my head. My parents were simultaneously scared and furious, and to be honest, so was I. Over the years I've gotten better at dismissing things that don't make sense, but every now and again one will stick. The thought of a shooter in a crowded space. Ender, stranded at home if something were to happen to me and Rob. My brother getting hurt on a rock climbing trip, far away from cell service. They are terrible thoughts and they make me sick.

I started seeing a therapist recently and she told me that it sounded like I had good coping mechanisms to deal with my anxiety, and while I think she's mostly right, I also think that a lot of the time I want to prove myself so badly that I don't have the patience to turn those coping mechanisms on. My coping mechanisms include Valium and self care--potato chips and Netflix on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket instead of whatever it is I should really be doing. So saying no to a show--especially one put on by two bands you've already seen live--would normally be the thing I need to do, but I kept going back and forth for hours until I found myself oddly sitting on the floor of our kitchen, feeling the cold tile beneath my legs and staring blankly at the stove.

The truth was that I hated myself a little bit in that moment. Rob, wonderfully supportive as usual, held me close and said multiple times "This isn't a good time to pick a battle," and he was right because my anxiety has been through the roof these past few weeks, and the sad news out of Orlando last weekend really devastated me. But I felt like I was letting him down, and I knew I was letting myself down. And there was the even larger, much more disappointing feeling that in this situation, I was letting terror win. When your fears, as irrational as they  might be, get bad enough that they interfere with your daily plans, it's incredibly disheartening.

But somehow, we have to learn to take care of ourselves in these situations. To forgive ourselves for our fears and our failures, even if it takes time. As much as I love to talk about deep breaths and letting go and giving yourself a break in the face of uneasiness, sometimes you just can't shake it.

But we can try again tomorrow.

A few weeks ago, my friend Regina of Acute Designs reached out to see if I'd be interested in modeling some of her new pieces for a photo shoot with Virginia Ashley Photography. It was so exciting to hear that they were working together because Gina made the headpiece I wore for my wedding and Ashley shot the wedding! Although Gina's in California (and I've never even met her in person), it almost felt like she was there with us as we met up in Virginia last Friday.

There are too many gorgeous Acute Designs pieces to choose a favorite, but I wanted to share a few photos from our shoot because I was all about those braids and the dresses Gina picked out! And I'm no professional model, but I'll stand in front of Ashley's camera any day. I flipped through these photos feeling super lucky to have such talented friends in my life.