This year I wanted to simplify but somehow I've managed to take on way more than I have in a long time. I've always been so irritated by people who are constantly sighing, responding with that word--busy--any time you ask them how they are.
And yet, as I've started branching out a bit more in my life and work, suddenly I'll notice that months have gone by since I called some of my friends and even family members; I sometimes go days between blog posts; and there are some mornings where I need to catch my breath so badly that work takes a backseat to cleaning the kitchen or just savoring a few hours of sleeping in next to Rob and Ender.
The last time I wrote a cookbook, the exhaustion hit me right away and I knew exactly where it was coming from. This time, with the second book, it kind of creeps up on me and I wonder why I'm feeling so creatively zapped and sort of unsuccessful in general. "You wrote another book!" Rob always sweetly reminds me, and that always helps me put it in perspective a bit.
Is everyone else out there so afraid of not being enough? I know it can't just be me. Sometimes I can't tell if I'm actually busy or just overwhelmed.
I'm writing this blog post from a big empty king-sized bed in Denver, with takeout Pad Thai and a big bottle of water next to me. I have a borderline irrational fear of altitude sickness so I'm loading up on carbs and fluids before the morning, when I start Pure Barre training to become an instructor! I mentioned in a blog post a few months ago that I had been thinking about making the leap from Pure Barre client to teacher, and I'm finally doing it, even though it makes me so nervous to think about being on a microphone while I figure out the learning curve. Going to barre regularly has been the main thing that really gives me a routine and sense of belonging in the Bay Area, so I think it's going to be really great to make it into even more of a home base.
So yeah, maybe my New Year's Resolution was to take on less. But I think I'm going to do this instead.