I always thought "nesting" was kind of bullshit but now I know it's real--these past few days I've gotten more done than I have in weeks. Between writing, teaching, cooking, putting together furniture, cleaning, and folding itty bitty onesies, I've never felt more productive in work or at home, which is kind of beautiful because most of the time I feel like I'm failing at both.

Everything I've cooked lately has been enough for 10 people. Last weekend we had Rob's cousin and her boyfriend over for brunch after we got home from an early dog training session with Ender, and as I prepared stuff for a little BLT bar I also diced up what ended up being 5 pounds of potatoes for hash browns. I made them in batches and transferred them to the oven to stay warm--I figured whatever was left over could go in the freezer. Our house is mostly clean and the kitchen window is always open and as I made food that I knew I would defrost and eat at some random time in the future with a baby in my arms, I really couldn't help but feel anything but joy.

November has always been my favorite month--there are no birthdays or special occasions other than Thanksgiving but I love that it's the first month when you really can't deny fall anymore. The leaves have changed and the air is chilly and has that crisp scent that might be the smell of leaves or rain or maybe just anticipation, wrapped up in a sweater. I light candles and sweep the floor and fold clean laundry and really just savor the act of slowing down, of one-pot meals in the crock-pot, of long walks with the dog as we crunch through the leaves.

And now this November there will be a birthday, a baby, a whole new chapter of our lives. I'm looking forward to all of it, but happy to spend these next couple weeks assembling furniture in the nursery on a Friday night; wrapped up and cozy under the covers on a Sunday morning, lingering in the warmth of Rob's arms before I tip toe into the kitchen to make two lattes.

The other day I finished unpacking all of our books, which are on a big shelf in the nursery, and I was having so much fun going through all of the children's books I've accumulated over the years (and a few new ones that some of my friends were kind enough to give us as gifts recently). It made me want to put together a blog post with a list of some of the books I'm most excited about sharing with our daughter. 

So without further ado, and in no particular order, here are nine of them:

• Where the Wild Things Are:  I have a Where the Wild Things Are tattoo for a reason. This book very literally changed my life when a professor pointed out that the illustrations got larger and took over the page the more Max's imagination took over the story. I knew children's literature was special but I didn't know how sophisticated it could be until that moment, and I really think it was that class discussion that made me want to go to grad school and continue to study children's lit.
• A Sick Day for Amos McGee: One of the sweetest picture books ever. The illustrations are the cutest.
• The entire Harry Potter series: These books are so special to me and I can't wait to share them with her. Rob and I want to start reading them to her right away, is that weird? I think it might be the first story she ever hears.
• Pretty much everything by Shel Silverstein, especially Where the Sidewalk Ends: I love Shel. 
• Bee-Bim Bop and First Book of Sushi: I haven't read either of these yet but I'm ordering them after hearing about both on the bibimbap episode of Spilled Milk. Kids books about food? I mean, what could be better? I actually wrote a collection of haikus about food in grad school so these are right up my alley.
• A is for Activist: Another one I haven't read yet but can't wait to share with our daughter. 
• The Very Hungry Caterpillar: One of Rob's favorites when he was growing up. It's this kind of stuff that makes my heart want to explode--knowing that we get to pass on our favorite books, foods, traditions, etc. and just leave the rest behind. (For example I don't think I'll be reading Love You Forever to her because I think it's creepy.)
• And last but not least, Go the Fuck to Sleep...just kidding! Or am I?

These aren't all of my favorites, so I'll be sharing more later! Do you have any that I should add to my list? I'd love to hear your recommendations!

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Dear Baby,

I have never been heavier or more swollen or generally larger than I am right now, and most of the time I don't even care. Last weekend your dad and I went to the mall because I needed new tennis shoes, and the pair I bought were two sizes bigger than my other shoes. (We went to Pressed Juicery afterwards for a non-dairy, Paleo frozen yogurt made out of vegetables, but I don't think it made much of a difference.)

We're about eight weeks away from meeting you and things are getting real. We moved into a bigger house across the bay from our old place so we could have a yard for Ender, who is a little crazy but sweet and silly and I think you guys are going to be great friends. You also get your own room, which is bright yellow and full of books. We finished putting your crib together two nights ago and every time I walk by it reminds me a little more that you'll actually be here with us soon, no longer surprising us with your big kicks and rolling movements from within.

We still call you "Baby" and I think I might know what your name is, but we're still waiting to see you. I'm so curious to learn if you have hair already, and if it's going to be black like mine was or bright blonde like your dad's. What color will your eyes be? None of it matters, of course, we're just excited to know you and hold you and do our best to raise you.

With just two months to go I feel simultaneously rushed and impatient--like it's not enough time to do all the things we need to do before you get here, but it's too long to start panicking about installing the car seat correctly. I have a few work things to get done before I can start thinking about packing a hospital bag or preparing meals for us to have in the freezer when we come home with you.

The world lately has seemed like a strange, dark place at times; but then I feel your little feet in my ribcage and think about your strength already and I can't help but feel hopeful of the future.

“If we lay a strong enough foundation
We’ll pass it on to you, we’ll give the world to you
And you’ll blow us all away”

— Dear Theodosia, Hamilton: An American Musical

I know I said I'd keep the hash browns coming, but thankfully I'm not nauseated anymore. Now I just have crazy heartburn, so I hope you're enjoying all the Tums (and the hot fudge sundaes...which are probably giving me heartburn).

Love you so much already,

Megan

Photo by Virginia Ashley Photography.